In the first 20 seconds of talking, your light is green: your listener is liking you, as long as your statement is relevant to the conversation and hopefully in service of the other person. But unless you are an extremely gifted raconteur, people who talk for more than roughly half minute at a time are boring and often perceived as too chatty. So the light turns yellow for the next 20 seconds— now the risk is increasing that the other person is beginning to lose interest or think you’re long-winded. At the 40-second mark, your light is red.
Mark Goulston, How to Know If You Talk Too Much (hbr.org)
The article How to Know If You Talk Too Much by Mark Goulston in the Harvard Business Review is one of my favorites on the issue of monologing. Goulston, a business psychiatrist and executive advisor, explains how all humans like to hear ourselves talk and that dopamine is actually released as we drone on and on.
He suggests applying the Traffic Light Rule, suggested to him by his friend, coach and NPR host Marty Nemko. Basically, you are in the Green for 20 seconds, the light turns Yellow for 20 more, and then you are boringly in the Red.
Goulston suggests reflecting on your motivation for rambling. Are you looking to impress? Are you trying out new ideas?
Or do you genuinely not notice the seconds and minutes as they pass by?
If this is the case he recommends monitoring the time. This is exactly what Who-Talks.com offers. The ability to reign in our natural tendency to bore or alienate our listeners. With this low-cost and simple app, both you and your conversation partner get the chance to participate in the conversation. This leaves each person feeling heard and satisfied.
WhoTalks.app 